1:00 a.m. 30.Feb.2002 PST
The planned synchronized, acrobatic parachuting by the Trial & Error Parachuting Club of Reed Lake College has been cancelled due to conflict with the school production of  Iphigenia at Aulis by Euripides. This classic Greek Tragedy tells the story of Agamemnon's unfortunate daughter Iphigenia who was lured to the Greek camp under the pretext of marrying the hero Achilles only to find that, instead, she was to be sacrificed by her father and his fleet in order to appease the gods.

Unfortunately, one critical member of this two member team has a role in the production. Pat Corrigan, in the title role of Aulis, appears in every act.  You may remember Pat from last year's spectacular jump onto First Island.  After the failure of Pat's primary and secondary chute, brave Pat came to the earth thanks to a miraculous wind with lifted Pat's felt green derby off his head.  Suspended only by the rubber band that secured the hat to his head, Pat hit the Five Island Lake with such a force that it broke both of his legs.

Breaking News!!!
Right Now
Mother Nature Smiles on St. Pat's Parade

Now
Blarney Factory in Jeopardy

Later Today
Public Voices Concerns about 12 oz Blarney Cans

Tomorrow or the Next Day
Hearings Set in London, Moscow & Washington about the Impact of 12 oz Blarney Cans

Never Happened
Tragedy Forces Parachuting Cancellation

13.Mar.2000
Mayor to Attend Parade

30.Feb.2000
St. Pat's hoping to profit on IPO

30.Feb.2000
Brian Boru Band Skyjacked for Trip to E'burg

1.Feb.2000
DNR Denies Permit for New Blarney Plant

3.Mar.2000
Sound of Music Sounds Musical

3.Mar.2000
Officials Cite Blarney Lite as Cause of Global Warming

5.Mar.2000
Government Funds Study to Determine Strength of Blarney Lite

7.Mar.2000
New Ingredients Could Make Concentrated Blarney More Voluminous

6.Mar.2000
Celtic's Football Star Traded to Miami for 15th Round Pick & $1,000,0000 [that's one million dollars--American!!!]

10.Mar.2000
Blarney Scientist Announce New Units to Measure Blarney

10.Mar.2000
Palo Alto County Arts Council to Pay the Piper

11.Mar.2000
St. Pat's Blarney is 'Certified Organic'

15.Mar.2000
Carpenter Denies Rumored Accidental Blarney Release

15.Mar.2000
DNR Certifies Emmetsburg Air Safe for Parade

16.Mar.2000
Conlon Denies Carpenter Denial

26.Mar.2000
Sound of Music Ends on a High Note

The opinions expressed here are the product of Seamus Daly's imagination.