1:00 a.m. 31.Feb.2002 PST
Plant manager Dave Carpenter, today strongly denied that a large release of Blarney from Plant #1 was accidental.  The large colorless, odorless cloud was reportedly observed by a bus load of seen by a bus load of conventioneers returning from a recent optometry meeting in Branson, Missouri.  The jovial group was driving through Emmetsburg hoping for a glimpse of the world-renown St. Patrick's Day Parade.  However, their joy was short-lived as they discovered that they had neglected to share their plans with the bus driver.  Detour set up by local law enforcement diverted them around town and into the path of the cloud.

"I don't what they say," reply Dave Carpenter to this reporter's inquiries.  "But if they saw something there is a much bigger story to report."

Fortunately, you can catch a glimpse of the parade and participate in the festivities by being in Emmetsburg: March 17-19, 2000.

Breaking News!!!
Right Now
Mother Nature Smiles on St. Pat's Parade

Now
Blarney Factory in Jeopardy

Later Today
Public Voices Concerns about 12 oz Blarney Cans

Tomorrow or the Next Day
Hearings Set in London, Moscow & Washington about the Impact of 12 oz Blarney Cans

Never Happened
Tragedy Forces Parachuting Cancellation

13.Mar.2000
Mayor to Attend Parade

30.Feb.2000
St. Pat's hoping to profit on IPO

30.Feb.2000
Brian Boru Band Skyjacked for Trip to E'burg

1.Feb.2000
DNR Denies Permit for New Blarney Plant

3.Mar.2000
Sound of Music Sounds Musical

3.Mar.2000
Officials Cite Blarney Lite as Cause of Global Warming

5.Mar.2000
Government Funds Study to Determine Strength of Blarney Lite

7.Mar.2000
New Ingredients Could Make Concentrated Blarney More Voluminous

6.Mar.2000
Celtic's Football Star Traded to Miami for 15th Round Pick & $1,000,0000 [that's one million dollars--American!!!]

10.Mar.2000
Blarney Scientist Announce New Units to Measure Blarney

10.Mar.2000
Palo Alto County Arts Council to Pay the Piper

11.Mar.2000
St. Pat's Blarney is 'Certified Organic'

15.Mar.2000
Carpenter Denies Rumored Accidental Blarney Release

15.Mar.2000
DNR Certifies Emmetsburg Air Safe for Parade

16.Mar.2000
Conlon Denies Carpenter Denial

26.Mar.2000
Sound of Music Ends on a High Note

The opinions expressed here are the product of Seamus Daly's imagination.