1:00 a.m. 30.Feb.2002 PST
Amid concern about the possible closure of the Blarney Plant was far greater concern about the unforeseen consequences of distributing Blarney in larger quantities.  Public health officials, local physicists and even a few experts agree that it is much easier to keep situations under control when Blarney is distributed in six ounce cans.

"The use of twelve ounce cans could lead to unforeseen consequences," warned local Brew Bob and Blarney connoisseur, Richard P. Kelly.  "We are not just talking about any brew here," said Kelly. "After all, once a can is opened, it must be fully utilized. Hence, consumption in doubled doses might lead to unforeseen shenanigans."

Kelly's concerned were voiced by others who declined to state an opinion.

Officials in Des Moines declined to comment.  However, one government insider did let it slip that officials were wondering "Why didn't this situation come to light before the Caucuses?  Then something could have been done!"

However, this reporter has first hand information that a certain governor in a certain state may use Blarney to stage a run at the Whitehouse.

Remember, you heard it hear first!

Earlier
Blarney Factory in Jeopardy

Tomorrow or the Next Day
Hearings Set in London, Moscow & Washington about the Impact of 12 oz Blarney Cans

Breaking News!!!
Right Now
Mother Nature Smiles on St. Pat's Parade

Now
Blarney Factory in Jeopardy

Later Today
Public Voices Concerns about 12 oz Blarney Cans

Tomorrow or the Next Day
Hearings Set in London, Moscow & Washington about the Impact of 12 oz Blarney Cans

Never Happened
Tragedy Forces Parachuting Cancellation

13.Mar.2000
Mayor to Attend Parade

30.Feb.2000
St. Pat's hoping to profit on IPO

30.Feb.2000
Brian Boru Band Skyjacked for Trip to E'burg

1.Feb.2000
DNR Denies Permit for New Blarney Plant

3.Mar.2000
Sound of Music Sounds Musical

3.Mar.2000
Officials Cite Blarney Lite as Cause of Global Warming

5.Mar.2000
Government Funds Study to Determine Strength of Blarney Lite

7.Mar.2000
New Ingredients Could Make Concentrated Blarney More Voluminous

6.Mar.2000
Celtic's Football Star Traded to Miami for 15th Round Pick & $1,000,0000 [that's one million dollars--American!!!]

10.Mar.2000
Blarney Scientist Announce New Units to Measure Blarney

10.Mar.2000
Palo Alto County Arts Council to Pay the Piper

11.Mar.2000
St. Pat's Blarney is 'Certified Organic'

15.Mar.2000
Carpenter Denies Rumored Accidental Blarney Release

15.Mar.2000
DNR Certifies Emmetsburg Air Safe for Parade

16.Mar.2000
Conlon Denies Carpenter Denial

26.Mar.2000
Sound of Music Ends on a High Note

The opinions expressed here are the product of Seamus Daly's imagination.